Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
