She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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