I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Everyone says I win the strip club
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
