Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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