he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
