I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
birth control should be required to get into college
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Randomize
