I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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