I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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