Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
