Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
