i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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