Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
