I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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