I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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