Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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