Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
