this just has baby written all over it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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