don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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