Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize