yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Green mimosas i think yes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
