i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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