So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
