it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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