this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
