Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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