A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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