i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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