I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
