there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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