Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
how does that bad decision feel?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
