kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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