so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
