We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize