you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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