she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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