You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
