Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
