is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
