do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize