That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
