Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
