You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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