i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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