dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Pooping to opera.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
