sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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