Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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