And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
