was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
