Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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