The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
