i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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