Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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