im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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