ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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