im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
