God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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