don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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