He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
