So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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