Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
